"of power, of honour, of omnipotence"

You wake up with a missed call and 2 new messages. The missed call is just your mother. That's fine, she just didn't come home until this morning, she called, probably asking to open the door for her. The messages are a bit of a mystery. One is expected, so you read it first, it's just the message you got before you fell asleep on top of your phone. The second is more exciting. You've waited for it for a couple of days. This person is a little chilled about the phone thing. Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen. Well you're fucking keen. But you can't have them. They're one of the people you were talking about last time, one of the "challenges" that are probably a waste of time - but a fucking irresistable waste of time.

You wonder why they even bother, it's like, they keep you on the end of the rope, knowing that it's from here to Maroubra long, and that you would follow the rope, but only if they asked you to. So you're stuck. You could end it, but that's not exciting, or you continue, knowing that every time you message back fucks you up a bit more. Makes you wonder if they're doing it on purpose.

You should have a policy stapled to your head, so that everyone knows and understands. Your policy is "if you don't like me like that, then don't be nice to me,". It shows the worls that you don't want to be played around with, you're good enough at that by yourself, you don't need any help. You want "shut the fuck up you ignoramus" tattooed on your hand, so that when you're talking to stupid people who are wasting your time, you can show them your hand and walk away. They're probably too stupid to know what an ignoramus is.

You need policies for yourself. Policies that make limits in your life. Limits on how much you do for someone, especially. Like: No bringing baked goods to that person. No going to extra effort to make sure they are where you are. No heart palpitations when they say good night and see you soon. No waiting for text mesages. You need these things to prevent massive amounts of mess.

You don't like the people that come to you. You're fussy. You wont go out because it's too difficult to ask your mother, or it just happens to be that fucking time... so you can't do what you plan to do. What you always plan to do. You want to go and do them, but it's just so much of an effort. You'd sell your soul to the devil to do what you always wanted, but then again, you're not sure if a soul is something in your possession.

You try not to make promises you can't keep. You don't trust anyone, barely even yourself, just because you're the only one that knows what you're thinking. People try to break you open, to know something about you. You're honest, to some extent, but you wont give away the information that can be used against you later. You don't keep secrets of your own, everyone knows everything about you anyway, but you're the best secret keeper out.

"had I as many souls as there be stars, I'd give them all for Mephistopheles."