I always manage to do this to myself. I offer way too much to the endeavours that are pointess. Someone said to me the other day that I go for the things I can't have, the people I can't get. I said that it was a self challenge. But why would I do that? Why would I bother to make something already fucking difficult so much harder than it has to be. I don't know. Why is it that we have to learn by experience. I want to know exactly what's going to fucking happen, before it fucking happens.
I screwed up, and I realised right in the process of doing it too. I realised that another person a few months ago said the same thing. I try too hard, do too much, and end up not getting what I want. Why do I do that? Why can't I stop. Even when I know that it will never happen. I think maybe I imagined it, that I'm crying because of something I dreamed up, something that I wanted because I thought I should. I don't know. I don't want to seem obsessed, because I'm not. I just want them to know that I would give everything I have to them, everything within and beyond me is theirs.
In the words of James Bond,
"whatever is left of me, whatever I am - I'm yours..."
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