"this time things will be different - and you're gonna see"

You think you could stop, if that’s what you really wanted. If you found the person that made you want to. You can see yourself with them, but then wonder how it could work, how you could possibly do it at all. They have work, you have school. Time is definitely an issue. But maybe you’re getting ahead of yourself... you could be over-thinking things, like you said you wouldn’t. It’s hard, because you don’t know if they would want it, too.

You found it funny how they said they didn’t expect it – that all they wanted was to see you again, after 5 months of sporadic communication. You think they thought you were all talk, that every hint dropped and innuendo were just for fun. Nothing else. But then they were surprised. You knew.

You sometimes think that you know the distance of a relationship when you meet someone. You knew what would happen, or maybe you just wanted it enough that you did what you had to in order to get it. Either way, they let you have it. Or you convinced them that they should let you, whatever.

People don’t always respond well to the explanations you give for things, the comments you make. They are often too honest, too open, and therefore confronting. But you’re not trying to scare them off – nor impress them – though somehow it seems that they don’t know how to respond. It may be that they don’t want to hurt your feelings – the feelings that never get hurt – and so, try to hide their judgement, or tone it down and say “you’re funny” which depending on who said it can mean “WTF”, “You’re a psycho, get away”, or an infinite number of other answers.

You know that other people don’t like what you’re doing. Some pretend to admire you, others don’t know what to think. It doesn’t bother you what they think, but it bothers you what you think.

According to someone tonight, you need to wear a warning label. Told to: “get away from insert boy’s name here and go home.” Uhm, ok? Firstly, you’re allowed to talk to people, that’s not a crime. Secondly, you’re not a slut that picks up and wants to shag randoms from a party, particularly not randoms that have ANY connection to her. You ignore it, but are laughing your guts out inside.

Ah. Life.